HAVING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH IN-LAWS PT2
HAVING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH IN-LAWS PT2
I thank God for another privilege to bring His Word your way again; I see Him enriching your family life as you put to work all that you have learnt in Jesus name. Last week I showed you how love and acceptance can win the heart of your in-laws thereby giving you peace in your home. Today, I will be teaching on how to set your priorities right when giving or caring for your extended family members.
Three principles that stands out clearly in the institution of marriage is Leave, Cleave and One flesh. The scripture says: Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (Genesis 2:24). “Leaving” in this context means to gain parental independence. You cannot truly cleave to your spouse until you have first left the apron of your parents to become joint to your spouse. This does not mean you will not have anything to do with them, it means to operate as a separate and distinct family, not being remotely controlled by your parents. The day to day running of the home should not be determined by the in-laws.
The success or failure of your marriage should not be left at the mercy of extended family members. You need to order your priorities right. It will not be wise, therefore, to care for members of your extended family at the expense of your own immediate family. You should care for both of them, but one takes priority over the other. Whatever you can make available to your extended family members is a help. The scripture says: But if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel (1 Timothy 5:8). Providing for your immediate family is a must because they are your direct responsibility. You must therefore understand the following:
- Your immediate family is priority
It is common to find people care more for their extended family, while they make excuses for not living up their responsibility in their nuclear homes. While it is not wrong to fulfil such duties, it poses danger to your home when it is done at their expense and in disagreement; the blessings in your engagement will be lost. The Bible says: Let all things be done decently and in order (1 Corinthians 14:40).
- 2. Your extended family comes after
Someone may want to ask, should the extended family be completely forgotten after marriage? No. The Word of God indicates that you should not hide from your flesh. Members of your extended family are your flesh that you cannot hide away from. However, you need to order your priorities right.
When you learn to order your priorities right, you minimize challenges in your home. When you obey what the Word of God says, you will reap the benefits. Getting yourself too involved in extended family matters at the expense of your immediate family, might make them shy away from their own responsibilities. Don’t be a keeper of another man’s vineyard, leaving your own untouched or haphazardly done.
The Bible says: Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me: my mother’s children were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept (Songs of Solomon 1:6). There is an account in the Bible about a man that was busy in the wrong direction. He lost his life in the process. That shall not be your portion in Jesus’ name. The Word of God says: And as the king passed by, he cried unto the king: and he said, Thy servant went out into the midst of the battle; and, behold, a man turned aside, and brought a man unto me, and said, Keep this man: if by any means he be missing, then shall thy life be for his life, or else thou shalt pay a talent of silver. And as thy servant was busy here and there, he was gone. And the king of Israel said unto him, So shall thy judgment be; thyself hast decided it. (1 Kings 20:39-40)
In case you are married to someone who cares less about his/her parents, you can motivate him or her to be more caring by writing them letters with words of comfort and sending them gifts. The important thing is not to allow any gap to exist between you and your in-laws. Remember God’s Word in Exodus 20.12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee. Now that you are married, your parents-in-laws are your parents and your own parents are his/her parents; don’t treat them as strangers.
The grace to set your priorities right and have a good relationship with your-in-laws, can only come from God. The grace is released cheaply to those who have made Jesus Lord and Saviour of their life – born again. You want to be born again please pray this prayer with faith in your heart. Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood. I accept You as my Lord and personal Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for delivering me from sin and satan to serve the living God and thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.
Congratulations! If you prayed this simple prayer of faith with me, you are now born again and a child of God. He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).
With this, you are guaranteed all-round rest and peace in Jesus’ Name! Call or write to share your testimonies with me through firstname.lastname@example.org, 07026385437 OR 08141320204.
For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Building a Successful Home, Making Marriage Work both authored by me and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored) with Dr. David Oyedepo.