DWELLING IN UNDERSTANDING (4)
DWELLING IN UNDERSTANDING (4)
The issue of effective communication in understanding your spouse cannot be over-emphasized. Last week, I showed you how trust and openness can enhance intimacy and ultimately make your communication with your spouse effective. This week, I will like to continue as I discuss other areas that help make communication more effectual.
Listening: Listening is crucial to effective communication. A wise man once said, “Good listeners are good lovers.” You must learn to pay close attention to what your spouse is saying. Any spouse who is more talkative or too quiet to respond to communication falls short in this area and needs to do something about it fast. There must be a talking and a listening, in order to have effective communication between both of you. Listening expresses care and attention.
Be sensitive to non-verbal messages as well as the ones expressed in words. A look, someone’s posture, leaving the room when a discussion starts, can communicate important messages. But they can be confusing messages, clarify the message as best as you can. Don’t assume. To listen effectively as you take time out to talk, wait until the kids are asleep, you can turn off the television or put off the phone. As much as possible, avoid any form of distraction. You can also take a solitary walk or a ride with your spouse. Go out for a drink and sit on a park bench. Change the setting to maximise your chances for effective communication.
Sometimes, just be there. Someone to lean on or to be a listener is comforting. The closeness those roles provide can be most helpful. Important issues should be wisely but thoroughly discussed. That is where correct timing comes in. You must speak to your spouse when there is enough time to dig deep into matters. You must understand your spouse so well that you know when to say what, how to say it and when to say it.
Even when a matter so overwhelms you, you can still compose yourself to wait for the appropriate time to speak; else, you will forfeit the purpose of that communication. There is a due season for every spoken word and this must be observed, if you desire to understand your spouse via the tool of effective communication. The Word of God says in Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7, To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: … a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
Remember, the essence of effective communication is to enhance intimacy, unity and love. Therefore, the words you speak to your spouse are meant to edify and to please, not using abusive words and hurting each other’s feelings. Be willing to admit when you are wrong and be ready always to say, “I’m sorry,” giving no room to the devil.
You should always ask yourself these four questions anytime there are things to be discussed: Why am I saying this? You must have a genuine reason for wanting to say whatever you want to say. Therefore, you must have it at the back of your mind to be able to effectively pass across the purpose of that discussion. Will it make us a better couple? Make sure that whatever you want to say to your spouse must of necessity add to your intimacy and happiness in marriage, before you proceed to say it. What is my motive? Do not have any ulterior motive for whatever you want to discuss. Let your motive be pure and sincere. Will it destroy our intimacy or make my spouse lose respect for me? All these will guide and help you achieve great understanding of your spouse.
The most effective communication with your spouse will take place after you have learnt the art of communicating with God, the maker of everything. You cannot communicate with the God you do not know. Therefore, it is of utmost importance for you to develop a relationship with God by accepting His son, Jesus Christ into your life. If you are ready to accept Jesus as Lord and Saviour, then say this prayer: Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood. I accept You as my Lord and personal Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for delivering me from sin and satan to serve the living God and thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.
Congratulations! If you prayed this simple prayer of faith with me, you are now born again and a child of God. He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).
With this, you are guaranteed all-round rest and peace in Jesus’ Name! Call or write to share your testimonies with me through firstname.lastname@example.org, 07026385437 OR 08141320204.
For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).