DWELLING IN UNDERSTANDING (1)
DWELLING IN UNDERSTANDING (1)
It is the beginning of another month and once again, we have the opportunity of exploring another topic on family matters. This month, I shall teach on: Dwelling in Understanding. As it is often the case with most marriages, couples come into it not knowing what it entails. It is simply assumed that at a certain age, one should get married and whatever you find in there and experience will be left for fate to decide. This ought not to be so. The place of knowledge and understanding can never be over-emphasised and that is my focus this month.
Men enter into marriage expecting their mate’s to be playmates and share their recreational interests. That explains why most men expect everyone around them to appreciate the game of football or boxing for instance. Women on the other hand, expect to find a loyal and faithful companion. That is, in spite of a man’s tight office schedule and other concerns that preoccupy his mind, when he returns home, his wife expects him to sit with her enjoying companionship as she bores him with all her unending stories. Men need recreation to relax while women need loyalty to feel secure. Both need their own interests; but they also need overlapping interests. That is, they both need their spaces and privacy, but they also need to come together and support each other. They need playtime together.
A marriage relationship, therefore, must meet the needs of both the man and the woman. As male and female partners in marriage, you must understand and appreciate the peculiarities which make up your personalities. Men are men and women are women. for instance, understanding the uniqueness of the male gender will help the woman appreciate why her man acts the way he does, thus eliminating problems from the home.
God designed the man to be the head of the union. He is the aggressor and provider. He is designed to take the lead, while the woman is the follower. When anyone tries to change this order, problems arise sooner or later. The relationship between some couples today can be safely likened to that between a cat and a dog because of lack of understanding.
What is understanding? To understand someone simply means to know that person’s character. It can also be defined as the power of clear thought or being able to tolerate others feelings and views. It also implies having knowledge of the meaning and importance of something or somebody.
Understanding is the major foundation that every couple must consciously lay in order to establish a good foundation, which in turn results in the building of a good home. Without understanding, there is no relationship and without relationship, there is no togetherness and without togetherness, the house cannot stand. The Bible says, Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established: And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches (Proverbs 24:3-4).
If you want your relationship to be filled with pleasantness and riches, then understanding is a must. There are major keys you need to have a proper understanding of your spouse. One of such keys is Effective Communication. Communication is the bedrock of every thriving and successful relationship.
The basis for a fruitful and lasting relationship in the family is effective communication. Many families are going through untold tension today because of lack of effective communication. Communication, according to the Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary means, to feel close to somebody especially by talking about personal things. This is, to have a good relationship because of shared feelings and understanding. It can be said to be the mortar that cements the marital relationship together. Communication is the key to success in marriage. A wise man said, “If you talk together, you stay together” – and I believe it very strongly.
One of the major problems in the first family that God instituted, which culminated in its fall was lack of effective communication. Communication is not just talking but talking effectively to, with and about each other. Sharing each other’s feelings and thoughts together, creating time together to observe each other’s likes and dislikes, etc.
Communication is a two-way thing. It is sending and receiving messages. Talk, but listen too. Listening is often a little more difficult. The message sent isn’t necessary until it is received. Therefore, learn the art of listening to your spouse, else, he or she will feel neglected. In communication, understand that women are more at the feeling level while men are at the information level.
Always make sure you clarify your understanding of verbal communication. Try to restate what you have heard, to see if what you heard is what was intended. This takes some effort and courage, but it is worth the while to foster a meaningful conversation. If what is heard is what was intended, build upon it.
Effective communication with your spouse begins with your ability to effectively communicate with God. You cannot communicate with God except you are first His child. If you would want to receive Him and become a child of God, please pray this prayer with me: Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood. I accept You as my Lord and personal Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for delivering me from sin and satan to serve the living God and thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.
Congratulations! If you prayed this simple prayer of faith with me, you are now born again and a child of God. He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).
With this, you are guaranteed all-round rest and peace in Jesus’ Name! Call or write to share your testimonies with me through firstname.lastname@example.org, 07026385437 OR 08141320204.
For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).