Christian Family





Dear Reader,

Praise the Lord!  Last week, I discussed Discipline and Child Training. Today, I shall be discussing “Love and Control as Effective Tools for Lasting Child Training”

Ecclesiastes 10:15 says: The labour of the foolish wearieth every one of them, because he knoweth not how to go to the city. There is the “how to” for every instruction in the Word of God. A discovery of the “how to” in child training will guarantee you rest over your children.

            Love and Control when properly utilized, will produce lasting discipline and will lead to the exhibition of good character by your children. Love and control work hand in hand as twin brothers. A child you do not love, you cannot control and a child you have no control over, you cannot claim to love. You need one hundred percent of each for your children.

I had mentioned the instruments for discipline and good child training – the rod and prayer. To instill discipline via the rod and prayer, love and control must be applied.  Now, look at how to apply them in instilling discipline in the lives of your children.


            Love is very patient and kind…. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out (1 Corinthians 13:4, 6 TLB). When administering the instruments of discipline, remember that love is patient and kind. Just like I said in the last edition, if you have to beat your children at all, do not beat them until they are injured. Do not allow discipline to degenerate to child abuse.

Always let your children know that you love them and that your reason for disciplining them is because of your love for them. It is important to know that children are very sensitive.If your actions and words do not portray that you love them; they will doubt it even if you say it.

Therefore it becomes mandatory that you do these two things:

  • Develop a relationship of mutual trust with your children: Let them know you trust them, by admitting your mistakes when necessary and ask for their forgiveness, if need be. Never be too proud to say, “I am sorry” to your children, when you have made a mistake …Do not irritate and provoke your children to anger…. But rear them tenderly in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4 AMP). Encourage them to confide in you, just as you confide in them. Treat them as humans and not as inferiors; this will help their self-image.
  • Always demonstrate your love: The Lord Jesus, who is our perfect example, demonstrated His love for the children when He rebuked His disciples for turning them back. Let the little children come to me! Never send them away! For the kingdom of God belongs to men who have hearts as trusting as these little children’s (Luke 18:16 TLB). Then he took the children into His arms and placed His hands on their heads and He blessed them (Mark 10:16 TLB).

This is an example of how to show love to your children. Take note of the following in the above scriptures: The Lord Jesus carried them and laid His hands on them. As a parent, learn to carry, hug and kiss your children. Touch your children, and let them be free around you. The Lord Jesus is not an high priest that cannot be touched: For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched… (Hebrews 4:15). Also, He blessed them.

Ensure that you compliment your children. Remember, your words are very powerful and your children will become what you say about them. A wise man once said, “A torn jacket is soon mended; but hard words bruise the heart of a child.” This means that if your children tore their jackets, it can be mended; but if you abuse or speak hard words to them, you bruise their hearts and the “tear” in their heart is much more difficult to amend than their torn jackets! So, be careful what you say to your children!


To control is to have authority and power in order to direct, manage or rule. Love without control leads to destruction. This can be seen in the story of the sons of Eli. Your children are not supposed to control you. Just as Eli found out in 1 Samuel 2:22-29: …Wherefore kick ye at my sacrifice and at mine offering, which I have commanded in my habitation; and honourest thy sons above me, to make yourselves fat with the chiefest of all the offerings of Israel my people?

            In other words, if you cannot control your children then you cannot train them or mould their character. No matter how much you love your children, control is necessary; it is the stabilizer of love. When control is lacking, then the love you show them is no more the right kind of love. It is important for you to make them understand that there is a need for control, in order to avoid excesses and destruction. The Bible says: A man without self-control is as defenseless as a city with broken walls (Proverbs 25:28).

As soon as possible, teach your children that lack of control will have authority over them in life and they will have to submit to it.  Thus, the best way to display control as a parent is to lead by example. As they see you submit to others, they will recognise that they too must submit to higher authorities. Make them understand that it is for their good (Romans 16:1-5).

Using Love and Control keep your children on the path of discipline. That is because children who are sure of their parents love, and are trained to obey authorities, will find it easy to allow a loving God to control their lives.

Both Love and Control go hand in hand; one cannot be effective without the other. Armed with these two spiritual tools, disciplined and godly children that you desire shall be raised to the glory of God, and they will in turn pass the baton to generations after them!

I pray that God will grant you grace to perform, in Jesus mighty name! You shall not fail. Your children will remember you and call you blessed. It is well with you!

However, God is the Giver of grace, to enable you train your children in the way of the Lord. If you desire this grace, you need a personal relationship with Him. You do this by confessing your sins and accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and personal Saviour.

If you are ready for this new birth experience, please say this prayer of faith with me: Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for delivering me from sin and satan to serve the living God and thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.”

Congratulations, you are now born again! If you prayed this simple prayer of faith with me, youare now a child of God. He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).

With this, you are guaranteed all-round rest and peace in Jesus’ Name! Call or write to share your testimonies with me through, 07026385437 OR 08141320204.

For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).

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